I love being a mom. I have been blessed with five wonderful children. If I had it my way I would never let them go. I’d keep them near me always. I realize that at some point you have to let them lead their own lives. I am currently struggling with my oldest moving out and living on her own. I moved out and joined the military at 17. I didn’t give it a second thought about my parents feelings. I couldn’t wait to be out in the world on my own.
My oldest daughter Heather is 21 years old and until about two weeks ago she lived at home. Heather has a good job and friends here in Phoenix, Arizona. To my dismay, she has decided to stay behind instead of moving with us to Tennessee. Thoughts of kidnapping her and making her go anyway have crossed my mind. Is this wrong? 
For the record my husband is having even a tougher time. He has recently mentioned staying here in Phoenix so that he can stay near his baby.
Heather’s new living situation would make a great sitcom. Heather, an outwardly quiet, shy girl that works for TSA, loves to draw and listen to loud music has moved into a house with two male roommates. Lets call it “Two guys and a girl”. The two guys build and ride motorcycles for a living. One is a Russian named Mike. I don’t know why that amuzes me but it does. Mike is currently laid up with a broken leg. Adam the other roommate has a broken collar bone.
edited on 04/17/08 to fix three misspelled words
10 responses so far ↓
1 Grandma L. // Apr 16, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Empty nest syndrome is hard to deal with; however, I’m proud of Heather for doing what the kids are supposed to do when they get all grown up..learn to live in the world without mama and daddy. I, too, am disappointed that she’s not moving to Tennessee but I understand her reasons. What are we going to do if all five kids decide to live in different states? Yikes!
Hang in there and with God’s help all will be well.
2 A Jill of All Trades (Wendy) // Apr 16, 2008 at 10:13 pm
OMG, I don’t know what I’ll do when Aidan wants to leave the nest. I’d probably kidnap him and tie him in his room so he can never leave.
3 Jo // Apr 17, 2008 at 5:16 am
Must be really hard on you as a mother. But that is what life is, isn’t it? I’m sure she is only going to benefit from this. Perhaps next time you go and meet her, you will see a smart, outspoken girl out there instead of the shy one.
All the best to Heather. I wish that life treats her well.
4 Marsha Loftis // Apr 17, 2008 at 9:16 am
Grandma- I am excited for Heather but at the same time I am going to miss her tremendously. I keep worrying about things like..what if she gets sick? What if she gets a flat tire? That sort of thing.
Jill- It’s hard. I don’t want to let her go but I know she needs to lead her own life. I just don’t want her to make mistakes like I did.
Jo- It is hard but I am attempting to deal. I know she is going to grow as a person. She needs to step out into the world.
5 Nancy // Apr 17, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I was the first of my mother’s children to leave home. Soon after, she sent me a card with a beautiful butterfly and this quote. She knew I would always come back, one way or another.
“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn’t come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.”
6 Ricardo // Apr 18, 2008 at 12:41 am
Marsha I’m sorry the family will be separated, in a way, prior to the move to TN. But as you say you have to let her go.
But take it from me, a guy who has been estranged from his dysfunctional mother since 18, no matter how old she is, she will always need you. I know this because if mine were sane I would have turned to her for help many times even now. Since I don’t have that luxury it makes me see that all the more.
So basically, what I’m saying here is….don’t feel that you don’t have a role or place with her anymore. It’s just changing if that makes any sense. I wish her the best.
7 Marsha Loftis // Apr 18, 2008 at 10:17 am
Nancy- Thanks for the card idea.
Ricardo- It’s funny how we want our children to go out into the world and find a place for themselves but at the same time we want to keep them close and out of harms way. I’m sure she will be fine but….I wish she was going to be fine in Tennessee.
8 Jean-Luc Picard // Apr 18, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Marsha, it must be a big thing when the family starts to go different directions.
9 Marsha Loftis // Apr 18, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Jean-Luc Picard- I knew this day would come eventually…I want my children to be happy where ever they are but it’s hard.
10 Joy // Apr 24, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Marsha, first I’d like to thank you for commenting on my blog. I’m so happy you found it. I’m only weeks old blogging on my own so it’s very new and exciting for me to meet so many nice people.
My empty nest deal hit me the hardest when my youngest son left. With the first one, I tended to think “I have one more left.” I can’t go into it now or in this way but I got pretty ugly for a while and did some really stupid things that I really, really regret.
I hope Heather makes it okay and you know, she will. You’ve taught her. Remember??? It’s funny how we prepare our kids for the outside world the whole time they are growing up and then when the next step is to move out on their own, we freak out!!
It was and is, very nice to meet you. Please come back to see me again.
Joy
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